3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
