My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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