are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
