Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
