Do you still have your period?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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