theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
