I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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