I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
