I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize