Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
