I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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