Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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