I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize