I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
