a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
