So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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