Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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