get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
