I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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