Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We're too hungover to prance.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
