do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
