you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
