and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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