Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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