Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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