I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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