just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
