you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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