shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I understand Curling. That high.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
