They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
...so i touched it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
