Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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