Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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