you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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