you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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