As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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