I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
