I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
