my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
