Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
