there's paper in my vomit.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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