Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
