If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
