does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
