I like my sex mixed with concussions.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
