so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
