He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
