i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize