Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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