We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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