a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
