Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
