I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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