i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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