It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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