i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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