...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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