it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
