She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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