Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
