I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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