OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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