I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
