ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
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I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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