yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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