the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
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white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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