If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
