I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.