Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom