I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
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Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form