your parents love me but you hate me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes