Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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