my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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