She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
