Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
