I faked an abortion last night.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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