dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
