Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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