I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
