Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
